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- I was never really a dog person before Braddock, so even though we had lost pets when I was younger, I was always very much of the mind that they were pets....which in my mind was very different from people. I feel totally different now. Braddock was my baby and this has just been overwhelmingly devastating.
- I am the worst off of the bunch, but Skip is really struggling too. The worst is when Emmy asks where he is, or if she can make him a picture so he'll get better and come home. Rips my heart to shreds.
- I have always had a lot of issues with cremation, and so the thought of them doing that to my baby is just the worst pain ever. I know that his soul and who he was is not still in that body, but still.
- We are going to bring his ashes home. I bought an urn {which was delivered broken, but we got a replacement already} Not sure how hard or creepy it will be to display him, but I like having the option.
- You'd think I'd cried all the tears in my body already...apparently not.
- I have been surviving pretty much solely on coffee....four or five cups a day...not sure why that's all I'm craving.
- Braddock's cage and bed are down in the basement and we cleaned out his drawer of toys and bones...but I can't bring myself to put his water bowl away.
- The house seems so empty without him.
- We still have Shiba, but she's so much more like a cat {she hides upstairs like 98% of the day} so I don't even feel like we have a dog anymore.
- Having to pay for an expensive surgery that didn't save our dog hurt a little.
- I am so sad thinking that he wasn't with us for the last three days of his life:(
- That aside, I am so glad we did the surgery though...to know exactly what happened to him and to do everything we could to save him.
- It doesn't feel real most of the time....I just want to wake up and it's just been a terrible nightmare.
- Sometimes I straight up don't believe he's dead. Skip offered to call to see if we could go see him, but I didn't want to remember him like that. It's just hard when I last saw him and he was okay.
- It physically hurts to think about him.
- Part of me is anxious for the day when it won't hurt so bad, and the other part of me wants to hurt this bad forever since we let him down by not preventing this.
- My friends and family have been super amazing during this time, as have all of you. I cannot thank you enough for all the love.
- Skip has been on nights the past two days. Both times my friends came over. Tonight is the first time I will be all alone. It's going to be hard since I used to always snuggled with Braddock on the couch when Skip worked nights....it was our special time together.
- We were told we could pick up his ashes by the end of the week. Skip just called today and they said it won't be for a few more days. I take back all the nice things I had previously said about the vet and his staff.
- Everything I eat tastes like sawdust.
- I vacillate between never wanting a dog again and wanting to go buy a bulldog tomorrow.
- I am glad I have this blog to keep track of the memories and work through my feelings.
- I guess a girl can only live her fairytale life for so long.
- I miss his squishy face.
- I miss everything about him.
- If I could go back in time to change it all I would in a heartbeat.
- Skip said his job in life was to help mold us as parents....and since he had done that, it was okay that he had to die so young, since he's fulfilled his role in life. {I don't feel the same...he was too young and should still be with us}
-It feels like I'll be sad and miserable forever.
- I'm bitter and angry right now at anyone who has a dog that is happy and healthy....why did it have to be my dog...why?
- I just want to talk about him all the time.
- I'm sure people will get sick of my talking about this soon...I really don't care.
- I feel less safe now at home since he was such a good companion and watch dog {again, poor Shiba just isn't}
- I hope he wasn't alone when he died.
-Why didn't they do CPR? I would have paid for a ventilator!
- I wish he had just hung in there for a few more hours...Skip and I were gonna go see him on Monday
- I hope the vet did everything he could to save him.
- Think the vet just wanted to keep him so he made up this whole story?
- There are still more posts I'm working on about Braddock for the next few days..skip them if you want as I make no apologies for how much I have to write about him.
- Skip thinks I'm going through all the stages of grief at once.
-When my grief starts to turn to anger, it's time to get off the Internet for a bit
- They always say that sometimes love just isn't enough....how true that is. Because if love were enough I'd be doing this right now...
Or this...
And definitely this.
9 comments:
Mandy this breaks my heart. How some people can act like losing a pet isn't the same as losing a loved one is beyond me. Pets are such a beloved part of the family and your grief is exactly yours. Write about it as much as you need to, especially if it helps you in any way. Having experienced this before, it does get easier but it never fully goes away. I still miss my dog we lost to this very day, and it still hurts sometimes to look at his doggy urn. All I hope is that someday you'll be more at peace with everything and not blame yourself for what's happened. Braddock was obviously a very, very loved and cherished dog for the time he was here and that is the best gift a dog could ever have.
Thinking of you :(
Thinking about you!! This is so sad and it will get better in time. Just remember all of the good memories you had with him.
I removed my previous post, I didn't want my personal email (with last name) on this, lol .. but here is what I wrote:
His eyes in the last two pictures are the epitome of Puppy Dog Eyes. Mr. B was such a treasure, and you deserve to grieve the way you see fit. I love reading all about him, and while it hurts to see how badly you're hurting, just know you have a TON of friends and family who are here for you, and a puppy-dog angel always on your shoulder, snuggling with your heart. <3
What you are feeling is absolutely normal. All of it. It will get better. I promise. XOXO
This breaks my heart.
My parents have our family dog displayed in the house. It's just a simple box, no one can even tell what it is. It was hard for my Dad at first, but I think in the end it helped him heal :)
Maybe you have seen this, maybe it will help.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep.
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn's rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there, I did not die..."
I'm so sorry, this made me cry with you. Prayers!
my tummy hurts for you and all the pain you felt (still feel) i wish i had you and your blog a lot sooner. i did a nook search for a book about "how to cope for the lose of a pet" i felt so HOPELESS... time is what everyone tells me and i can see that being the case, but time is a forever thing and my dog will be in my heart and dreams until the end of time. just last night i had a dream that i had her paw print tattooed onto my wrist, something i long to do... maybe someday. MORE <>
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